Most wanted terrorist captured from hotel in Pakistan



Updated 2013-09-04 13:49:40


ISLAMABAD: In a daring raid, Saudi Special Forces arrested one of the most wanted extremist leaders, Abu Jarara Al-Yemeni, from a hotel located in one of Pakistan’s most popular vacation spots in Murree.

The news spread like wildfire and people were seen cursing the Pakistani government for allowing the Americans to undermine Pakistan’s sovereignty, again.

However, when it became clear that the raid was not conducted by the Americans but by the Saudis, the frowns turned into smiles and many were heard saying, ‘Jazzakallah!’

Only minutes after the raid, Pakistan’s Prime Minister appeared on state-owned television and congratulated the nation and thanked the Saudi regime for helping Pakistan in its war against terror.

Interestingly, religious parties like Jamaat-i-Islami, (JI) Jamiat Ulema-i-Islam (JUI) and some banned sectarian organisations, that had originally called a joint press conference to condemn the raid, changed their stance half-way through the conference when told that the raid was by Saudi forces and not the Americans.

JI chief was first heard lambasting Pakistan’s civilian government for letting the country’s sovereignty be violated by the Americans, but after a reporter confirmed that the raid was executed by Saudi forces, the JI chief turned towards the JUI chief and embraced him.

Mahshallah!’ he exclaimed. “Today is a glorious day for our Islamic republic!”

JI and JUI chiefs had earlier questioned the real identity of the man arrested from the hotel, saying that even if it was Jarara, we should be ashamed because he was a freedom fighter, conducting a liberation war against the Americans.

However, after it became clear that the arrest was made by Saudi forces, both the men then claimed that Jarara was no friend of Pakistan and that he was not even a Muslim.

In a joint statement, JI, JUI and the sectarian organisations congratulated the nation and said that they had been saying all along that the extremists were Pakistan’s greatest enemies and should be exterminated.

The statement also said that the JI and JUI (along with PTI) will continue to hold sit-ins against American drones, which were parachuting evil men like Jarara into Pakistan and violating the sovereignty of the country. For this, the statement suggested, that Ahmad Shah Abdali should be invited to invade Pakistan and defeat the Americans.

When told that Abdali died almost two hundred years ago, the religious leaders termed this to be nothing more than western propaganda.

PTI members at the conference added that Pakistan’s most prominent revolutionary and youngest nuclear physicists, Zohair Toru, was building anti-drone missiles.

Toru, who was also present at the conference, confirmed this while licking a lemon-flavored Popsicle. He said it was a very hot day and popsicles helped him concentrate.


Zohair Toru at the press conference.

However, soon things took another twist when sources suggested that the Saudis captured Jarara and handed him over to the Americans.

The Americans – who had accused Jarara for committing crimes against humanity – actually plan to use him to lead a revolt against the Syrian government that the Americans accuse of committing crimes against humanity.

After this, the chiefs of JUI, JI and the sectarian parties again changed their stance. In another joint statement, they said Jarara indeed was a great Muslim warrior. They then embraced each other and distributed Saudi dates among the gathered media personnel and asked them to pray for Jarar’s success against the evil Syrian government.

But when asked what they thought about Jarar working with the Americans and vice versa, they said they cannot answer this question because it was time for the afternoon prayers.

When asked whether they will answer the question after the prayers they said by then it will be time for the evening prayers.

When asked if they would be willing to give an answer after the evening prayers, they said by then all of them would be on their way to Saudi Arabia to perform Hajj.


Members of religious parties after being told the raid was conducted by the Americans.


Religious party leaders after being told Jarar will be used by Saudi Arabia and US in war against Syria.

Religious party leaders after being told Jarar will be used by Saudi Arabia and US in the war against Syria.

The raid

A military spokesman also held a press conference to give the media a briefing on the details of the raid.

He said the raid was executed by Saudi Special Forces who came on four helicopters from Saudi military bases in Raiwind.

The helicopters then landed on the Margala Hills in Islamabad. On the lush hills, Saudi soldiers disembarked from the copters, got on camels and rode all the way to Murree in broad daylight.

They were twice stopped at checkpoints by the Pakistani police but were allowed to cross when some Saudi soldiers promised the cops jobs in Saudi Arabia and year’s supply of Zamzam water.

An eyewitness claims the cops smiled and waved to the departing camels, cheering ‘marhaba, marhaba.’


A passerby captured this photo of the Saudi Special Forces on their way to Murree.

The camel army reached the in Murree at 11:00 am and right away rode their way into the sprawling premises.

The camels were also carrying rocket launchers, sub-machine guns, pistols, grenades and popcorn, all concealed in large ‘Dubai Duty Free’ shopping bags.


One of the items left behind by the Saudi raiding party.

The military spokesman added that although the Pakistan Army had no clue about the raid, there were a dozen or so Pakistani security personnel present at the hotel.

When asked whether these men questioned the camel riders, the spokesman said that they did see them enter the hotel but were at the time busy interrogating a 77-year-old Caucasian male whom they had arrested for smoking in a non-smoking area.

“After the Abbottabad incident, we are keeping a firm eye on Europeans and Americans,” the spokesman said.

Even though the white man turned out to be an old Polish tourist, the spokesman praised the security men’s vigilance. “Our country’s sovereignty is sacred,” he added. “And, of course, smoking is bad for health.”

According to the Pakistan’s security agencies, the Saudis then rode their camels into one of the hotel’s kitchens and fired teargas shells.

This way they smoked out the chefs, cooks and other kitchen staff out into the open. From these, a Saudi commander got hold of a fat, hairy chef with an untidy beard.

The Saudi commander looked at the chef and compared his face with a photograph he was carrying. He asked: ‘Al-Jarara?’ To which the chef was reported to have said: “No, al-chicken jalfrezi. Also make very tasty mutton kebabs.”

The commander then asked, ‘Al-Yemeni?’, to which the chef said, ‘Yes make Yamani tikka too. You want?’


A photo of one of the raiders who entered the hotel disguised as a friendly camel.

A reporter asked the military spokesman whether the Pakistani security men present at the hotel witnessed the operation. The spokesman answered in the affirmative but said they didn’t take any action after confirming that Pakistan’s sovereignty was not being violated.

The reporter then asked how the security men determined that Pakistan’s sovereignty was not being violated. Answering this, the spokesman said that since the camel riders were speaking Arabic there was thus no reason for the security men to charge them for violating Pakistan’s sovereignty.

This statement made the media personnel at the press conference very happy and they began applauding and raising emotional slogans praising Pakistan, Ziaul Haq and palm trees.

Soon after the announcement that Al-Jarara was arrested by Saudi forces, the country’s private TV channels became animated. One famous TV talk-show host actually decided to host his show in a Bedouin tent. And instead of a chair, he sat on a camel.


Set of a TV talk show held on a local channel to discuss the Saudi raid.

Though most of his guests — that included prominent ex-generals, clergymen and strategic analysts — praised the operation and heaped scorn and then praise at Al-Jarara, there was one guest, a small-time journalist who disagreed with the panelists.

He asked how a wanted man like Jarara was able to live in Pakistan undetected and that too while working as a chef in a hotel. He also said that Jarara had also been appearing on various cooking shows as a chef on TV food channels.


An alleged shot of Al-Jarara on a Pakistani food channel. Apparently, in this particular episode, he taught viewers how to cook biryani.

To this, the host snubbed the journalist telling him that he was asking irrelevant questions.

‘But before this raid, everyone was accusing the USA!’ the journalist protested.

This made the host angry and he slapped the journalist. He threatened the journalist by saying that he would lodge a case against him in accordance with the Islamic hudood ordinance.

The journalist responded by saying that the Saudis had violated Pakistan’s sovereignty. Hearing this, the host slapped the journalist again, saying he will get him booked for blasphemy.

At the end of the show, the host and the panelists set fire to a Guatemalan flag and sang the Pakistani national anthem in Arabic. Then, after handing over the treacherous journalist to the authorities, they proceeded to Saudi Arabia to perform Hajj.

However, they were soon deported by the Saudi regime for violating Saudi sovereignty.


American and Israeli officials welcoming the induction of Al-Jarara into the fold of the Syrian rebels.



Just when the nation is licking its wounds after a most acrimonious election campaign, hounded by suicide bombings, an election rife with controversies thanks to the hapless election commission, all that was needed was for a national leader to come hoisting his petard:

– he taunts Nawaz Sharif, congratulating him on being elected prime minister by the Punjabis.

– he taunts Imran Khan, a man on his sick bed, where has your Tsunami disappeared in Punjab.

– his message for the protesters at ‘Teen Talwar’, ‘If you don’t like our mandate let us go our separate ways.

– ‘if you want we can put the three swords to the sword’.

– Yes Sir, we believe you, is this not what you did on May 12 six years ago when 50 people were put to the sword on your orders, actually fifty families, comprising fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters and perhaps even wives and children of the dead ones, Karachi was shut down like it is often now whenever anything displeases you, which is often, the police was disarmed, the rangers were ordered to lock themselves up from the inside in their posts, so Asfandyar Wali khan told us, armed activists replaced the security police on the overhead bridges, so Sherry Rehman told us, I forget now what Talat Husain told us, containers were placed blocking the roads to the airport, to stop a visiting dignitary from entering Karachi, the whole city was made a no-go area, the killers were seen clearly on national television but  no one dare apprehend them, every time an attempt is made to investigate the heinous crime, you threaten to put the high court to the sword.

Yes Sir, we are fully aware of your abilities in this field. But the best is when you come crying about target killing of your people, having invented the game.

Khurshid Anwer

Water Apportionment Accord revisited June 15

by Khurshid Anwer

Under great public demand Asif Zardari and Nawaz Sharif sit down to review the Water Apportionment Accord which the latter had authored in 1991 shortly before being outsmarted for the nth time by you know who.

Zardari – We the people of Sindh do not want any dams to be built on the rivers and never on the Indus which is our river.

Nawaz – Ravi, Sutlej & Beas were our rivers but have been snatched by India. Now the whole of Pakistan has to depend on the three remaining rivers, Indus being the only one with surplus water.

Zardari – Kalabagh dam will reduce flow in the Indus.

Nawaz – If Mangla and Tarbela did not why would Kalabagh. They actually added 20 maf, 6 maf for Sindh; Kalabagh dam will add 6.1 maf, 2.2 maf for Sindh.

Zardari – you are already taking away too much water form the rivers.

Nawaz – How else can we irrigate the lands, in south Punjab and north Sindh, which were once under the command areas of Ravi, Sutlej & Beas.

Zardari – You will take away too much water from the Indus at Kalabagh dam.

Nawaz – Dams do not take away water from the river, only barrages do. The dam will store only the flood water now flowing below Kotri barrage to the sea during the 3 flood months. The remaining 9 months Indus will continue to flow as before.

Zardari – We need the water flowing below Kotri to stop sea incursion for protection of the Indus Delta.

Nawaz – Only 0.36 million acre feet per month is required for that purpose, the rest is going waste to sea.

Zardari – In that case we need more water to flow below Kotri on a monthly basis.

Nawaz – The only way to do so is to store 4.32 maf and release it in equal monthly doses. For this we need more dams. By opposing dams we are damning the Delta.

The penny has slowly started to drop now. Nawaz hits while the iron is hot.

Nawaz – We will give you more than your present share of water in the new dams. In fact I will reduce my share to bring you at par if you agree to the construction of more dams which we need very badly. We will replace Wapda with IRSA. We will even let Sindh engineers supervise water distribution to the canals in Punjab. We have not built even one dam after Ayub Khan’s two dams. Does not speak well for the civilian governments.

Zardari –  We can brick line all canals and water ways and save water equal to six Kalabagh dams.

Nawaz – The monsoon pattern is such that we have a surfeit of water for a short period and then near draught conditions for a much longer period. Dams help to store water when it is surplus (Kharif) and make it available in the lean periods (Rabi). Even if brick lining will give us so much surplus water where will we store it for later use. It will all go waste to sea.

Zardari – Alright you can build a dam but not in Punjab.

Nawaz – Kalabagh dam is the only one which can be started now having been ready to build since 1986 when your good wife put a spanner in the works. Any other dam will take too long and will not ease the energy and water shortage in the near future. Pakistan will become water-scarce in 2012.

Zardari – Alright you can build Kalabagh dam but without any canal for Punjab.

Nawaz – So the deal you are offering is that you will agree to the construction of the dam, you will also take 3% of Punjab’s share, without giving Punjab even its own share. This is not a deal, this is one for the Guinness Book of Records.

Zardari – You can take your share from the Chashma-Jhelum link canal.

Nawaz – I wish water could flow upstream. The water from Chashma will go to south Punjab and not to north Punjab. With Mangla dam silting up progressively and without water from the Indus through the left bank canal, two thirds of north Punjab will revert from irrigated to barani, with 50% loss in national food production.

Zardari – That is your problem not mine. How can I agree to Kalabagh dam with its left bank canal and then show my face in Sindh.

Nawaz – This is exactly what your delegation said in 1991 – we agree to Kalabagh dam but please don’t mention it by name in the Accord, so we can show our face in Sindh.

Nawaz – Alternately you could try telling your people what I have told you that for Sindh it is win-win situation, no loss of land , no displacement of people and 2.2 maf additional water. Sindh will not become a desert with Kalabagh dam, but nothing will stop Sindh from becoming one without it.


NB: In other countries, lower riparians having no suitable sites for dams, offer to fund dam building by the upper riparians in the mountainous regions. Australia is one example.